Day 5 - My Parents

My mom and dad are typical Asian parents: not emotionally open.

But I think they’re quite diplomatic and understanding when it comes to their children’s life choices. As long as I can remember, they’ve never really forced me to do anything I don’t want to do. When I have to make difficult decisions, my mom and dad will usually give me some pep talks. They explain the pros and the cons of each option available, then they will let me choose on my own. Of course, sometimes they let me know their preferences, but at the end of the day, they remind me that it’s my life and I’m the one who will get to experience it all. So this way, they hope I won’t regret anything since I’m the one making the call. 

So what happens when I make a wrong decision? …When I screw up?

Well, sometimes I tell my parents, sometimes I don’t. Mostly I don’t though. As I said, they don’t open up a lot when it comes to, you know, emotions. Sure, there are times when they get angry because of some things that I or my sister do. And sometimes I will tell them about my days at school or work, but I never really have a heart-to-heart talk with them and pour my emotions to them. So I’ve gotten used to dealing with things myself. It’s fine. I also don’t want to make my parents feel more worried than they already do.

I know my parents are not perfect. There are certain things I wish they could have done better, and sometimes I still get bitter over it, but there’s no point in being angry anymore. Besides, I know parenthood is tough and they’re trying their best. I wasn’t born in a super-wealthy family, but my dad and mom always make sure that our needs are met and we can live comfortably enough—which I will be forever grateful for. I can never give back even a fraction of what they’ve done to me.

These days I find myself looking at my parents when they think I don’t see them, and it just dawns on me how old they are right now. I guess it’s true what they say, how we’re too busy growing up we often forget that our parents get older too. This line from John Mayer’s Stop This Train keeps repeating in my head, “Don’t know how else to say it, don’t wanna see my parents go.” Because, yeah, I don’t want my parents to get older and I don’t want them to leave me. But the train keeps moving and I just wish it could stop for a few seconds.

It has become one of my priorities right now: to make my parents happy. I don’t show my emotions a lot to them and I’m not sure if I’ve even told them ‘I love you’ before. But I hope they could read between the lines and understand that what I’ve been doing is basically me trying to show them how much I love them. And I pray to God to give me enough energy and financial ability to make my parents happy. Amen?