Wheel

Life feels kinda meh lately.

And you know it's bad BAD when things that usually managed to make you feel better, they barely do anymore. I'm not saying that I've lost the ability to feel happy—even though happiness is just a fleeting feeling—but it just seems like the dark clouds are looming over me more often these days.

When that happens, I always get reminded of things that have slipped through my fingers. The chances, the almosts. I can't help but wonder that my life might have turned out a little less suck if only I'd held on to them a bit tighter.

But then John Mayer's "Wheel" came on shuffle when I was staring blankly at my laptop screen. There's a line in the chorus that goes, "That's the way this wheel keeps working now."

And then the song ends with something even more tender, "I believe that my life's gonna see the love I give return to me."

That hit me quite hard, because the things that hurt me the most in my life are the things that I can't argue with. It's just the way it is—it's just how the wheel works. And if there's one thing I've learned in 30+ years of being alive, it's that the wheel always keeps spinning no matter what happens in your life.

So if some things are lost in this particular cycle, maybe they're gonna find their way back in the next spin, be it in the same form or a different one. Who knows?

In fact, some of the things that slipped through my fingers a long time ago are also coming back slowly as the wheel keeps spinning.

I think I just need a reminder that life is actually a huge wheel that never stops spinning. Sometimes the wheel spins so slowly that one might think it's stuck, like right now I guess, but nevertheless it's still moving. And I hope it keeps moving in ways that put things back where they're meant to be.