Station 30

So this is it. My train finally made a stop at Station 30.

…which means I’m officially entering a new decade of my life.

You see, I’m not a fan of my own birthdays. Getting older scares me. Making a stop at Station 30? Heck, I’ve been dreading this moment a lot. But strangely enough, I felt quite chill today despite the fact that this isn’t the ideal situation I had in mind when I thought about arriving at Station 30. I didn’t check that many things off my bucket list. And by every social standard, pretty sure I’m considered a loser hahaha.

But it’s okay. I guess that’s one of the perks of getting older; you’re being more unbothered about what society thinks of you. I guess I’ve wisened up enough to understand that life, most of the time, doesn’t go the way I want it to. If so, then my train ride should have not been this rocky. And perhaps that’s why I arrived at Station 30 with a baggage full of struggles, responsibilities, and expectations. It did feel heavy—and it still does—but somehow at the same time, it also feels kinda lighter?

I know, it’s confusing.

Let me take you back to Station 20 then, my Station 20, where I also arrived with a baggage of responsibilities and expectations though they weren’t as many as the ones I have right now. I was young, and I didn’t know any better about how this world works. I saw the world as a wish-granting factory. So I set my hope high, like, really high. I think that’s why my old baggage felt heavy even though it was supposedly smaller.

But as my train continued its journey, I learned more and more that life does work in a mysterious way. It turns out that just because I’ve worked hard, it doesn’t automatically mean I’ll get what I want. And sometimes things may even work out in the way that I least expect them.

So I just learned how to surrender, you know, to take things easy. I finally allowed myself to acknowledge my feelings and process them properly. Me at Station 20 obviously couldn’t relate to this, maybe that’s why I used to blame myself for every single thing going wrong in my life. And, man, let’s just say it was emotionally damaging.

Because, in reality, there are just too many unpredictable factors showing up here and there, throwing you off-guard and leaving you overwhelmed. That’s when your train ride can get really rocky.

But I have to keep myself steady, okay? And this is where the fun part begins; rummaging through my baggage and realizing—again and again—that it doesn’t only carry the hard stuff but also the joyful ones too! Besides, sometimes my train also slows down for some occasional special stops, which leads me to some pretty good moments. I hold on to these moments a little longer so I can continue my train ride until it reaches the final stop.

So, yeah, this is me making a stop at Station 30. I have no idea what I’m gonna come across during the next journey, nor what awaits me at the next station, but I hope they’re gonna make my baggage feel lighter. I’m not confident enough to say that I finally feel content with my life though, but at least I’m getting better at managing my own expectations—I think.

Cheers to the first round of the 30s. Cheers to a decade of more happiness, bravery to show more vulnerability, and greater peace of mind. See you at the next station?