Saying Goodbye Sucks

I think about it a lot these days—farewells, goodbyes.

Yes, I know it's a part of this goddamn life, but no one told me that it would happen a lot more often as we get older. What's sadder is that we thought we'd get used to it, but we don't. Well, I don't. My heart still hurts and it feels like it has been ripped out of my chest every time I have to say goodbye to people I hold close and dear. Call me cheesy or whatever, but that's the truth. Saying goodbye sucks.

This past month has been very bittersweet. I had to say goodbye to some of my friends at work. See, the company I work at has two offices, one in Jakarta and one in Surabaya. I happen to work in Surabaya. After the Eid holiday, four people in Jakarta decided to resign, and so did the two people in Surabaya. They have their own reasons, of course, and I really respect them, but that doesn't mean I'm not sad.

There was this time when I had a mental breakdown at work, I legit cried in the bathroom because I just couldn't handle it. I remember it was Wednesday. I just had a phone call with one of the teams in Jakarta and she told me she was going to resign. Two days before, another one of the teams in Surabaya also just told me that she was going to do the same thing. Just the thought of them leaving... at that time, it was unbearable. They're my teams—MY FRIENDS. We went through a lot of shits together. And God knows how hard it is to find new workmates and friends that just "click".

So when I heard that four other people were also resigning, I just couldn't feel anything anymore. I felt... numb? I was devastated but I just didn't know how to react, so most of the time I just kept silent. I'm pretty sure my friends thought I was a heartless person because I showed as little emotions as possible, but I didn't care. My heart was still in ache and I was afraid I'd hurt them instead if I just blurted out anything that crossed my mind at that time.

Well, now I'm still sad, but not as much. Not gonna lie, work feels less exciting now, but I still have friends that I can rely on. It's still quite fun because they keep cracking jokes. I know they're all sad, too. I keep saying "it's gonna be okay" to them, and I mean it. So I hope things are really going to work well for us. Wish us luck!