Being in Your Late 20s

"I remember being in my late 20s. The trick about being in your late 20s is that it's the first time that you go to access some of your memories and they come up, 'Error 404! File not found. Broken JPEG icon.' And that's a very scary thing because that was what you held on to.

Well, every Christmas time, 'Have yourself—OH I REMEMBER, I can smell the carpet, I remember every hallway in the house.' And then you get into your late 20s and I just think it's based on how long the booked trip is, but you can't see the harbor behind you, you can't see where you left from. And that's a very frightening thing 'cause you don't know what you hold on to. Your memories start fading, and that's a tricky thing.

I remember at that age, right before I wrote this next song, hearing Christmas song and crying because I couldn't find every last little imaginary friend and thing and shag carpet and first song and first movie. It really knocked me for a loop because that's what I get by. I spend more time in my memories holding on to these little things. And I think that's okay, you know.

When they first start to disappear—not disappear, but you just can't reach them whenever you want—that's just a scary, scary thing. And I wrote about that and I was obsessed with it for a few years. Like there are times—I don't drink anymore—but when I used to drink, I used to lay down on a bed and just obsess myself with time travel. Why can't I? Why can't I? They made clouds, they made oranges, they made all these little other things, you tell me we can't go back in time and I can't go back in sit on the shag carpet and I can't listen to my first song "Wrapped Around Your Finger" off of MTV in 1983... I can't go back there? You're telling me that's impossible?

And then I discovered a new kinda here and that's when everything gets okay, when you realize it's a very fair trade. It's a very fair trade. The world liked you as a child but needs you as an adult. They need you, the world needs you. And it's all fair, it's all okay. But, I still wanna go back in time. And I still wanna stop this train. I'm never ever stopping this train."

—John Mayer's introduction to Stop This Train live at Madison Square Garden, New York (July 2019)

Day 7 - Favorite Movie

Most of my favorite movies are coming-of-age ones. If I had to pick just one title, I think that would probably be The Perks of Being a Wallflower. It was actually adapted from a novel by Stephen Chbosky. When I read it in 2011 (if I’m not mistaken), I didn’t know that it was going to be adapted into a movie. I was quite nervous when I found out since I loved the book so much. Thank God the movie turned out better than I anticipated. It closely followed the book! Maybe it was because the author wrote the screenplay and directed the movie as well.

I haven’t re-watched The Perks of Being a Wallflower for such a long time but I still remember the way it made me feel. This movie helped me feel less alone. I can see myself in Charlie, the main character of the movie, a freshman in high school trying to figure out himself and life. He was a quiet, shy, and awkward kid who was much more comfortable observing things than engaging in them.

Throughout this movie, I could see how hard Charlie tried to open up more, gain his confidence, and eventually become a more active participant in his own life. It was powerful. And, you know, life isn’t perfect and sometimes Charlie would face certain setbacks, but now he was brave enough to punch back and strong enough to get back up again. Charlie taught me a lot to be comfortable in my own skin to stick up for myself and be confident in my own actions. And that's why I love The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

“So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them."

We All Have Our Own Shit to Deal With

"The problem is that we’re all depressed at the exact same time. So none of us know how to help each other, or check in. And while I’m dealing with my shit, you guys are all dealing with your own shit. And then we’ll all sitting around thinking, “Damn this person is super inconsiderate and doesn’t care about me at all,” when it’s like.. no we just all have A LOT of shit to deal with! Concurrently!  

So we’re all depressed and anxious, weirdly shuffling around each other, not checking in, but then getting angry at our friends for forgetting we exist. When it’s like. No man. All of our friends are probably fucking sad."

(@this-onegoes on Tumblr)