C'est La Vie

Lately, I've been thinking about how big of a hypocrite I am.

I don't like people who play victim, but I didn't realize that I was doing the same thing.

The realization hit me when I was watching the final episode of this one Korean series, Our Beloved Summer. There was this scene where the main female character, Kook Yeon-soo, talked about how all this time she had thought that her life was pretty dull. It was actually a valid statement since she had to deal with a lot of struggles all her life. But then she gave herself a good talking-to, that even though her life didn't go the way as planned, at least she didn't have to endure it alone.

"I've always had pretty good moments. The only person who made my life seem pathetic was just me."

I mean... damn. When Yeon-soo said that, I felt like I was exposed. I felt... seen. I didn't realize I needed to hear that, but it was actually a nice slap in the face; hurtful, but necessary.

What Yeon-soo said made me rethink a lot of things over; how all this time I considered my life miserable. I just couldn't keep comparing my life to others, knowing well that it wasn't a healthy thing to do. Also, I had this tendency to distance myself from people every time something unpleasant happened. I turned a blind eye to my family and friends reaching out to offer me help.

So, yeah, I was the one making my life seem pathetic.

It was hard to accept that fact, at first, but once I admitted that ugly truth to myself, things have somehow become... clearer? Lighter?

Of course, it doesn't mean that I have solved all of my life problems. Heck, there are still a lot of things I need to figure out. The process isn't always smooth and sometimes it can leave me overwhelmed. These overwhelming feelings are what I need to be careful of since they will make me feel that life sucks. And believe me, life does feel suck a lot at those times.

It's okay, though. I have, finally, allowed myself to feel that way. I am allowing myself to feel things and properly-acknowledged them; not just the happy feeling, but the unhappy ones too—especially the unhappy ones. What I need is some sort of reminder that, yeah, life sucks a lot sometimes but just like what Yeon-soo said: I've always had pretty good moments.

I just have to hold on to those moments a little longer. I need to remember that this life, the same one that sometimes is tough, can bring joy and happiness too.

...Because that's what life does: it keeps rolling, man.

And note to myself: don't turn yourself away from people trying to help you. They're the ones making your life less suck.