Friday, May 16, 2025

It Would be Nice to Die Today, But...

John Mayer hasn't released a new album yet. His latest album, Sob Rock, was released in 2021. And he tends to release an album every 3-4 years, so there's a high chance he will release a new album this year. What's more exciting is that he's now an independent artist since he no longer signs with Columbia Records. So imagine all the incredible music he'll put out with that much freedom. I have to survive until he finally drops his next album, and probably continue doing so until JM no longer makes music.

Also, JM once said in his radio program, Life with John Mayer, that he purposefully made Sob Rock less lyrically intense. But now he's been putting more energy into songwriting for his next album. He said that sensitive singer/songwriter John Mayer is back, and the next album will be lyrically heavy. So I must keep myself alive until I can listen to that album.

As I mentioned here, I've been a fan of SEVENTEEN for four years now. And I had the privilege of seeing them live in Jakarta back in February. I thought I'd be satisfied after attending their concert—and I was!—but I didn't expect to crave more. I just can't get enough of their incredible live performance. I really want to see them again, and I can't do that if I'm dead.

Besides, there were only 11 out of 13 SEVENTEEN members at that Jakarta concert because Jeonghan was doing his mandatory military service, and Jun was pursuing an acting career in China. However, it's still gonna be a long time until SEVENTEEN is 13 again, cause most of the members will also be serving in the military, with Wonwoo being the second member to enlist last April. I'm already planning to see SEVENTEEN's comeback concert with 13 members, even though I don't know when that will happen. So keeping myself alive, that is.

OH, and SEVENTEEN is currently gearing up for their 10th anniversary comeback, which falls on May 26th! As of the day I'm writing this post, they've released three concept photos and films, each telling different stories that are still interconnected. I'm beyond excited about this comeback cause it's very meaningful, and they're gonna release a full album instead of an EP. All 13 members will be present in the album too, although there's no sight of Jeonghan in the concept photos and films. That's still something to look forward to.

Last December, GMMTV dropped their new series lineup for 2025. Four titles piqued my interest the most: Burnout Syndrome, A Dog and a Plane, Wu, and Ticket to Heaven. Their storylines looked so promising! I genuinely want to see these series come to life, especially with some of my favorite actors playing. Let's not die until they're officially released!

I subscribed to several authors and ongoing fanfics on Archive of Our Own (AO3)! Let me tell you, these AO3 writers are bombs. A lot of them are so talented, you'd think you're reading a literary masterpiece. From the characterization, the way they narrate the story, the witty dialogues, to the romantic scenes, everything is top-notch! That's why I'm so invested in those fanfics, and I'm dying to see how their stories will end. So let's just live.

I have this habit of writing letters emails to my friends on their birthdays. I suck at expressing my feelings verbally, so I use this opportunity to show how much my friends mean to me and how I cherish them a lot. I still want to keep writing birthday letters to my friends, cause apparently I have a lot to say, and I wouldn't be able to write them if I died now.

The other day, I was so bored that I ended up looking at the pictures in my phone gallery. Many of them turned out to be food pictures, which I mostly took when hanging out with my friends. Then it just dawned on me how I love spending time with them. And I think I want to have more of those moments. I still want to laugh with my friends over lunch and take cute photos that I'll never post cause I'm too lazy. I can't do that if I'm dead, can I?

It would be nice to die today, yes, but it turns out I have nicer things to live for. I'm aware that these things are not extravagant. They're rather simple things, but enough to keep me from wanting to end my life.

Well, at least for today.

Friday, April 11, 2025

SEVENTEEN RIGHT HERE IN JAKARTA

Let me begin this post by admitting to myself that I never thought I would become a K-pop fan. LOL. It's a nice turn of events though, the one that I happily embraced.

It all started in 2021 when one of my favorite fanfic authors on Twitter (hi, @morenefarious!) made a SEVENTEEN AU called The Art of Carry On (TAOCO). I had been reading her works since 2020, but they were all Thai AUs. I love her writing A LOT, so when she dropped a brand-new SEVENTEEN AU, I was excited to read it. The problem was, I didn't know anything about SEVENTEEN. My K-pop knowledge was almost non-existent back then.

Sure, I could just read the AU without knowing a thing about SEVENTEEN. But, guys, AUs or fanfics are usually written based on the real-life dynamic between the artists. And sometimes authors insert some fandom's inside jokes into their works. I didn't want to read without understanding the lore because, honestly, where would be the fun in that? 

So I decided to learn about SEVENTEEN before reading TAOCO. I watched a lot of their content, memorized their names and faces (which was challenging cause there are 13 of them), listened to their discography, and so on.

Things just snowballed from there.

I didn't just read TAOCO—I ended up being a SEVENTEEN fan! I am a Carat now! HOLY SHIT.


I still had a lot to catch up on though, cause apparently SEVENTEEN has been around for so long (they debuted in 2015). So when they came to Indonesia for the Be The Sun tour in September 2022, I felt like I didn't deserve to go. Even when they held an additional show in December that year, I still felt like it wasn't the right time for me to go.

It's because for me, going to a concert is like a milestone in my fangirling journey. It's unlikely for me to attend a concert whose artist I've only known for such a short time. And I know that I can never fully know people completely, let alone SEVENTEEN, but at that time, a year of knowing SEVENTEEN didn't feel deserving enough for me to go meet them. I felt like I needed to make more effort to get to know them better first.

Do I regret that decision? Yes, sometimes, but I knew they'd come back to Indonesia. And they did!

Fast forward to September 2024, SEVENTEEN dropped the schedule for their SEVENTEEN RIGHT HERE WORLD TOUR in Asia. Jakarta was on the list. I immediately told myself to go. I had to secure the ticket no matter what!

Thank God I did secure the ticket even though the process felt like a bloodbath. I didn't go alone though; I went with Munji, and we sat beside each other during the concert (spoiler: we went nuts). There were also Rizka, Ega, and Shafa, but they sat in different sections. These people made my first-ever K-pop concert more enjoyable. I don't think the whole experience would've been that fun without them.


The concert was held in Jakarta International Stadium (JIS) on February 8-9th, 2025. I came on the first day. Every single thing about SEVENTEEN's performance that day just screamed incredible. I lost count of how many times I lost my shit because of their jaw-dropping performance. So I'm just gonna highlight some of my favorite moments that linger in my mind—and heart—the most.

FEAR, FEARLESS, MAESTRO: THE HOLY TRINITY

SEVENTEEN RIGHT HERE IN JAKARTA isn't my first concert, but it's the first K-pop concert I've ever gone to. I was more familiar with Western performers, most of which were very straightforward. They came, performed, said hello here and there, and that was it. But that was not the case with SEVENTEEN RIGHT HERE IN JAKARTA.

The show started with some sort of theatrical act by the dancers wearing red outfits. Meanwhile, the big screen showed a red-dominated smoky animation, making the whole atmosphere feel mysterious and a bit eerie. Then the dancers moved in circles as if summoning SEVENTEEN to appear on stage. At this point, I already couldn't stop saying "whoa" because the stage production was that captivating.

But then Vernon, Wonwoo, and Hoshi emerged from below the stage, with Wonwoo standing on the highest platform while singing the first line of "Fear". Seeing them, my "whoa" immediately turned into a loud shriek. Heck, I don't think I could scream any louder than that.

They didn't continue singing right away though. Vernon, Wonwoo, and Hoshi walked back further to join the rest of the members already lining up in their mesmerizing black and white attires. Only then did they continue performing "Fear", followed by "Fearless" and "Maestro".

To this day, I still think that SEVENTEEN was so sick and genius for opening the concert with those three songs back-to-back. "Fear", "Fearless", and "Maestro" have this kinda dark, serious vibe that feels so powerful. Add that with an energetic performance by the whole group, and you'll get goosebumps throughout the first segment of SEVENTEEN RIGHT HERE IN JAKARTA. Well, I know I did.

ASH'S FAKE HOT INTRO

When you stan a long-running idol group like SEVENTEEN, you get to enjoy a wide variety of music thanks to their long discography. As a 10-year-old musician, SEVENTEEN has a versatile discography with a lot of masterpieces, and "Ash" is definitely one of them.

"Ash" is a track from SEVENTEEN's fourth album, Face the Sun (2022). The song was released as a B-side and it's become a fans' favorite. But SEVENTEEN kinda put it in the vault cause they didn't perform it until their RIGHT HERE world tour, which began in October 2024. It took them two frickin' years to put "Ash" under its well-deserved spotlight.

The fact that SEVENTEEN finally did some justice to "Ash" is already incredible, but somehow they managed to up the game by giving it a heart-thrumming live performance. Cause what do you mean they opened the song with the fake "Hot" intro and then proceeded to change the key to "Ash"? HOW?? It was like they put a plot twist in the song, which was brilliant. I'm still in awe every time I rewatch that particular part. Consider my mind completely blown.

THE LIVE BAND!!!

One of the many things I appreciate a lot about SEVENTEEN RIGHT HERE IN JAKARTA—even to this day—is the live band. It just elevated everything, making the whole show feel so majestic. Every song's arrangement hit the spot. Nothing missed.

The concert's setlist was a mix of SEVENTEEN's newer hits and older ones. Pretty sure the majority of the audience had been familiar with all the songs performed that day, but thanks to the live band arrangement, I think I discovered a newfound love for those songs. It's like they breathed new life into them.

I remember being mesmerized by the "March" performance because, to be honest, I wasn't really a big fan of that song before the concert. But the live band arrangement for "March" sounded so good. It was drum-heavy and every beat felt like a stomp on my chest—in a good way!

There were actually so MANY parts of the concerts that became my favorite, largely because of the musical depth provided by the live band. To name a few; the guitar riff throughout "Fearless", the guitar solo during the "Crush" outro, and the crisp arrangement for "Adore U". Now I really believe that SEVENTEEN and a live band is one of the best combinations that has ever happened in this entire universe. Truly a gift to mankind. Please release a live album, SEVENTEEN!

UNIT PERFORMANCES

SEVENTEEN not only performed as a whole group but also blessed us with unit performances at their concert.

The hip-hop unit (HHU), consisting of S.Coups, Wonwoo, Mingyu, and Vernon, took over the stage first with "Water" and "Monster", turning the whole stadium into a rap party. Their rap skills were no joke! The way they delivered every line was full of swag and fire—IT WAS VERY COOL! You should also see the laser lights at the end of HHU's "Water" performance, right before they got spooky with "Monster". It was really, really impressive.

However, I didn't really have time to process and recover from HHU's remarkable stage because the performance unit (PFU) slowly appeared. PFU originally consisted of Jun, Hoshi, The 8, and Dino, but Jun was absent throughout the RIGHT HERE tour due to another commitment in China. His absence was noticeable, obviously, but Hoshi, The 8, and Dino still managed to hypnotize the whole stadium with their alluring performance of "Rain" and "Lilili Yabbay".

Last but not least, the vocal unit (VCU) successfully turned me into a sobbing mess thanks to their heartfelt performance of "Candy" and "Cheers to youth". I think I sobbed the hardest when Jeonghan's part was played during "Candy". He was also absent throughout the RIGHT HERE tour because he had to enlist in the military. So there were only Joshua, Woozi, DK, and Seungkwan for the time being. They did a marvelous job melting my heart with such heavenly vocals belting out tear-jerking songs.

THE LITTLE SKIT

One thing you should know about SEVENTEEN is that they're actually a bunch of comedians. They hate it if they can't come up with funny jokes, and they're jealous whenever fellow members are funnier than them. That's how serious they are about being funny. So it's not surprising that they added a little skit to their RIGHT HERE concert.

In the middle of performing "Oh My!", SEVENTEEN had to pause their performance because Vernon was sleeping on stage instead of singing his part. The 8 jokingly scolded him and made him say sorry to the audience. Vernon said it in Bahasa Indonesia, but instead of saying "maaf" in a proper formal way, he said "maap" like a true local that he was. I burst out into laughter hearing that.

The performance continued for a while, but it halted again near the end of the song. This time, SEVENTEEN's dancers came on the stage wearing various animal costumes, challenging SEVENTEEN to a dance battle. Of course they accepted the challenge, resulting in some of them doing the gwaenchana challenge that had been viral on social media. God, I love them so much.


IMA LIVE

SEVENTEEN has a massive and solid fan base in Japan. They cater to that by releasing Japanese singles regularly. And let me tell you, SEVENTEEN's Japanese music is top-notch. None of the songs flops.

One of my all-time favorites is "IMA - Even if the world ends tomorrow". I love everything about this song; from the meaningful lyrics, the electric guitar riff throughout the song (especially during the pre-chorus), to the subtle piano sound that makes "IMA" feel more melodic.

I had been dying to see "IMA" live ever since I learned that it was gonna be included on the RIGHT HERE tour setlist. So you can imagine how emotional I was the moment I heard that first electric guitar strum for IMA's intro at the concert. I think I even shed a tear.

"IMA" reminds us to be present and cherish every moment we're in so that we have no regrets even if tonight is the last time we live. And at that moment as I sat down at JIS watching SEVENTEEN performing "IMA" live, I really felt like it was okay if the world had ended tomorrow. I would've had my last dance with SEVENTEEN. No regrets.

CARAT BONG TIME

You think the skit during the "Oh My!" performance was the only time SEVENTEEN flaunted their comedy skills?

Well, you're wrong.

After performing "IMA", SEVENTEEN gathered on the extended stage for what they called "Carat Bong Time". During that session, some of the members had to act out individually according to the sound of the musical instrument being played. For instance, S.Coups did a little fairy dancing because the band dropped some enchanting-like piano sound. Meanwhile, Dino showcased his freestyle dancing skills following the sound of drum beats.

However, my favorite was Woozi's Carat Bong Time. He got a rocky guitar sound to act out with, so he decided to do an air guitar movement every time the sound was played. The thing is, Woozi was so shy that his ears turned visibly red. And he also couldn't stop giggling throughout his Carat Bong Time. God, I don't think I have ever seen something so adorable.

IMPROMPTU SING-ALONG SESSION

Having such a long and diverse discography, it was impossible for SEVENTEEN to perform all of their songs at one concert stop. But I'm sure that they had thought long and hard before putting a song into their RIGHT HERE tour setlist. However, fans must have had different preferences about certain songs although we were already happy with whatever they gave us.

So, to cater to that need, SEVENTEEN held an impromptu sing-along session with songs that didn't make it to the setlist. Or maybe it wasn't impromptu at all and they actually had decided on which songs to sing. Who knows. I don't care. Each concert stop had different songs though. For SEVENTEEN RIGHT HERE IN JAKARTA - DAY ONE, they sang "Clap", "Don Quixote", "Kidult", and "To You".

Oh, God, I was so happy when they sang "Don Quixote" cause it's one of my favorite songs from their Face the Sun album. The song has a main character energy that just slaps hard. It actually has a really cool and satisfying choreography too, but SEVENTEEN didn't perform it since "Don Quixote" wasn't on the official setlist. I had no problem with that cause I still got to witness them singing it live with a band arrangement.

"Kidult" was also a nice surprise. It's a song from SEVENTEEN's 7th EP, Heng:garae (2020). The song holds a very special place in my heart thanks to its heartfelt meaning. The word "kidult" is a shortened form of "kid" and "adult", and that's basically what that song is all about. "Kidult" talks about the struggle of growing up, where you don't feel like a real adult but you're not really a kid anymore. The song addresses that difficult phase in life, providing comfort and assurance that I'm not the only one going through that, and things will be okay eventually as long as we're facing it together.

The sing-along session during "Kidult" was so loud that day and it sounded so beautiful. I got chills every time I rewatched the video, especially when DK's high note came up. It was like we let out all of our worries as we screamed the lyrics to "Kidult". Who knows, maybe we really did. I know I did though.

ALL THE INDO LINGOS

Leave it to SEVENTEEN to make their fans feel heard and special. Remember when Vernon said "maap" during his skit in the middle of their "Oh My!" performance? That wasn't the only time SEVENTEEN members spoke in Indonesian.

They had been doing so since the opening ment (greeting session). Common Indonesian words like "terima kasih" dan "aku cinta kamu" were thrown around throughout the concert. Sometimes they also asked us questions like, "Bagaimana perasaan kalian hari ini?" or, "Apakah kalian senang?" There was also the crowd's favorite, "MANA SUARANYA?" — which they had shouted so fluently that someone could've mistaken them as locals.

One of my favorite bits was when SEVENTEEN had a ment session after performing "Love, Money, Fame". They said that they were sad because the next song, "March", was gonna be their last performance that day. And then Dino said "WADUH" to express his sadness, but he said it in a comedic tone so it was hilarious. DK and Hoshi also joined him in saying "WADUH DUH DUH DUH" while faking some tears. My stomach hurt from laughing too hard.

SUPER SUPREMACY

I don't even know where to begin with this one. "Super" was released as one of the title tracks for SEVENTEEN's 10th EP, FML (2023). It's a fast-paced song that drives up our energy, and it highlights the power of strong friendship between the members. The music video is also epic, and the scale of the set was massive it garnered a lot of attention, even from non-Carats.

Woozi, the main producer of the group and the leader of VCU, once said that he made "Super" to help him and the group overcome all the hardships that had been coming at them. That's one of the ultimate reasons why "Super" is so special. And the live performance represents that so well! My jaw literally dropped to the floor throughout the live performance of "Super".

It wasn't enough that the performance had meticulous choreography with a heart-pounding live band arrangement. There were also fireworks, and actual pyrotechnics during the bridge session. IN THE INDOOR STADIUM TOO! It was so astonishing I was speechless. That "Super" live performance will be engrained in my life forever. I love my team, I love my crew indeed.

CHEERS ENCORE

SEVENTEEN's concert is famous for its never-ending "Aju Nice" during the encore. The song was released in 2016 as a part of their Love&letter Repackage album. It usually goes like this: the music stops, the members will say goodbye, and just when we think the concert is over, a member will shout, "Ajuuuu?" — which the audience will answer with, "Niiiice!" And then the chorus will play again. That's why Carats call it never-ending; cause we never really know when it will end.

That's also what happened in SEVENTEEN RIGHT HERE IN JAKARTA.

I can't exactly remember how many times SEVENTEEN played "Aju Nice" during the encore— probably around 4-5?—but what surprised me was when they ended the encore with "Cheers" instead, a song released in 2022 by the leader line: S.Coups, Hoshi, and Woozi.

Let me tell you, I love "Cheers" so much I would marry that song if I could. The beat is addictive, the lyrics are powerful, the chorus is catchy, and also the eongdongi ppang ppang part? ICONIC. Not to mention Woozi's high vocals towards the end of the song. He screams every word like his rent was due, like someone has pissed him off.

I still remember the shriek I let out when the "Cheers" chorus started to play as SEVENTEEN members, who initially had said goodbye and disappeared behind the big screen, came out on the stage again. They sang along to "Cheers" and ended the encore with a final bow, for real this time.


Once the lights inside the stadium were turned on again, it slowly dawned on me that the concert had really ended. I spent a good minute just staring blankly at the empty stage while mumbling to myself, "What do I do after this..."

It's been two months since SEVENTEEN RIGHT HERE IN JAKARTA, and to this day I still find myself rewatching all the chaotic fan cams that I took during the concert. It was really a life-changing experience. No wonder SEVENTEEN's known as the performance powerhouse because they really are next-level. They have superb craftsmanship that is just so admirable and it makes me wanna do something cool too.

I actually still have many things to say about SEVENTEEN RIGHT HERE IN JAKARTA, or just SEVENTEEN in general, but I'm afraid it'll take a lifetime. So for now, I hope this (very) long post can show how thankful I am for knowing SEVENTEEN—and finally seeing them live. Even in another universe, I'd gladly slip into the diamond life again. They've made my life more bearable to live, and I can only hope that they also gain strength from every music and art they put out.

Thank you, SEVENTEEN, for reminding me that I'm still capable of being happy. I genuinely thought that I had reached the peak of happiness when I went to a John Mayer concert in 2019. But then SEVENTEEN happened and suddenly I found a new reason to keep going. Now that I've gotten a taste of how incredible their live performance is, I just can't get enough. I want more. I don't know when that will happen, but I hope it's soon and with 13 members, and I'm willing to work on that. So let's wave hello again, SEVENTEEN!

P.S. For the love of God, please release a live album!

Thursday, September 12, 2024

The Gears in My Brain Have Been Working Non-stop

They produce all these unhealthy thoughts that make me want to succumb and just perish. Like why was I born in this shit-show of a country where the people in power don't give a single fuck to our well-being? They have all these resources to create better policies but no, they keep taking what they can take even if these things don't belong to them.

Their incompetencies make a lot of people suffer. They make me suffer because what do you mean it's so hard to find a stable job these days? What do you mean I'm too old to get employed? What do you mean I'm not allowed to have a decent salary without getting myself burned out? Just give me a death sentence already, will you?

For fuck's sake, these gears in my brain need to pause for a second.

Oh wait, no, another thought slipped out of my brain machine. This time it's about my family. It's complicated, but when is it not? One day you love your parents so much you're so grateful for them, but on another day you despise them with all your heart's content you wish you weren't born. How can one's heart be filled with as much pain as love for the same people?

What if these pains outweigh the love one day? What would happen then? Would I have enough courage to stand up for myself and maybe leave them? Wouldn't that be too selfish? Or would I be too coward to say anything so I'd just suck it up and rot myself to die? Neither option sounds right. Can't I just perish now?

But of course right now I'm still very much here. I'm still here and alive and on the other side of the world, people are dying. Yes, I'm talking about Palestine. It's been almost a year and they still aren't free from Israel's monstrosity. I'm sorry for taking this post into a darker turn but honestly, what a fucked up world we're living in right now.

And the gears in my brain still show no signs of stopping.

What is it this time? Can you please just stop? Please? I'm afraid my brain machine—or even my body—will decide to forcefully shut itself down without any warning and one day I will just collapse in broad daylight.

Oh, wait, that wouldn't be too bad. At least I wouldn't have to suffer anymore.

At least the gears in my brain would finally stop working.